Husbands Understand Your Wife

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Men are to be considerate as they live together with their wives and understand that God made women differently than men. There are a lot of books on the subject of male and female relationships and it is important that men education themselves to understand that their wives think differently than they do as men.

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB95)

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

The NASB translation says that men are to live with their wives in an “understanding way” so this is why men should seek out some knowledge about how to have understanding for their wives. This scripture also speaks of the wife being “weaker” and it should be noted that God specially create women to be the weaker vessel and this is done in God’s wisdom. It is only natural for a weaker woman to submit to her stronger man and God created it this way so that the women would naturally be able to flow with their own husband and become one-person together.

Genesis 2:22–24 (NASB95)

22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

The way in which God created the woman is significant because God had created Adam from the dust of the earth but God created Eve out of the bone and flesh of Adam. This also means that everything that was once feminine within Adam was removed and placed into his wife. Therefore, when a man is joined to his wife in marriage (everything that was missing in man is again restored to him by his wife). This is how the two people become one-flesh or “one-complete” person in Christ. Everything that is missing in a woman is found in the man and everything that is missing in the man is found in the woman. They become one-complete person with nothing missing when they are joined together as a complete person in marriage.

Having this understanding is essential so that people can understand why it is important for the wife to submit to her own husband. It would be unnatural for any creature to have two heads. In order for them to flow together as one-person there must be only one “head” making the decisions. So, God has commanded that the woman submit to her own husband and allow him to become the leader of the home. If she will submit to his leadership then they can become one-person together as husband and wife. But if the woman wants to follow the rebellion of the world’s system and embrace “female equality” then she will fight her husband and cause division in the marriage. This is the main reason for divorce.

Malachi 2:16 (NASB95)

16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So, take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

God hates divorce because what God has joined the man and woman together their marriage should not be torn asunder by human rebellion and animosity. The man and woman have become one-complete person in Christ just like fabric is woven together into one complete garment. If such a garment is torn about by violence, then it can never be mended again. Divorce can cause permanent damage to both parties for this reason.

God wants there to be unity in the home with the man loving his wife and the woman submitting to and honoring her husband as the head of the home.

Learning How Genders Think Differently

There are a lot of authors that have written books about the male and female relationship. Even secular authors provide a lot of examples of how men and women think differently. The book below has helped millions understand how the genders think differently. This book has helped married couples to understand each other and flow together without conflict. The book on the left is the full-version while the book pictured on the right is a condensed-version with the key points given for men who do not have the time to read the full-version. (Note: Clicking on the images below will open the associated links).

The book above is titled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” which illustrates the fact that men and women think so differently that it is as if they are from two different planets! In fact, God made men and women differently and this includes how they think. Men see the overall big picture and “long-term” goal while women see the details and the immediate family needs. This works perfectly in conjunction together with men in leadership who make decisions based upon the long-term good of their families. Men are willing to make short-term sacrifices for the sake of the long-term benefit. Women however were created by God to see the immediate needs of the family. A woman can even discern what a baby needs by the sound of its cry. Women have “super-sensitivity” about discerning immediate needs of children. A woman also makes the home into a place of beauty and comfort so that her man can come home and have a place of refuge and refreshment before he goes out again to labor to provide for his family. When men are in leadership they will make decisions for the long-term benefit of the family while the woman is taking care of the immediate needs. The two genders are exactly opposite from each other but at the same time they are perfectly suited for one another. In fact God made them this way in order that they would “complete” each other and become “one-flesh” or “one-complete” person together in marriage.

This is why the bible tells men to dwell together with their wives in understanding manner. Men have to understand that women are different and women think differently than men do. Having this understanding about women can keep the men from getting angry when they understand that the woman is trying to help them and loves them and is looking out for their immediate needs. Men must be patient and kind with their wives and understand that their wives love them and want to serve them as helpmeets (as God created them to be).

A Woman’s Life Revolves Around Her Husband

God has made a woman to specifically complete and become “one-person” with her own husband. Therefore her life essentially revolves around her man and she will not find lasting fulfillment and happiness outside of marriage. She is fulfilling her “God-given” purpose when she fulfills the roles of being a helpmeet to her man.

Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

The woman is created by God to be a helper that is suitable for her husband. This is where she will find lasting fulfillment and satisfaction in serving her man. She takes care of all of the details of his life and makes a house into a home and place of comfort and refreshment for her man.

A man therefore has to understand that his wife is serving him out of love and he must interpret what she says and what she does out of this orientation.

A woman will typically beautify herself so she will be attractive to her husband. But if the man is insecure he might falsely assume she is trying to attract other men. This could hurt his wife deeply if he misunderstands his wife’s actions in beautifying herself for him.

It should be noted that no one can hurt a woman more deeply than her husband because her heart is open to him out of her great love for him. A man must educate himself about how women think otherwise he will hurt his wife deeply if he falsely assumes that she thinks the same as men think.

“Women-Speak”

There are a lot of authors who can give better examples of this (such as the book which was previously recommended – as listed above). But for example the man leaves a few crumbs on the kitchen table and his wife says that he left crumbs everywhere and left the kitchen a mess! To the man this is a challenge to a fight because if another man disdained him like this he would begin to muscle-up for a fight! But in “women-speak” this should be interpreted differently because in fact the woman loves her man and finds her purpose in serving him. The complaining about the crumbs was not to start a fight but in fact it was rather the woman expressing her displeasure that her man helped himself. She wanted to be able to serve him and she wants to feel needed. If he will allow her to serve him then she will be happy. If the man “muscles-up” for a fight by taking this as an insult or act of aggression, then he will hurt her deeply. She wants to serve him and he was depriving her of the opportunity. She shows her love by serving her man and making his life at home a place of comfort and refreshment.

The man shows his love by laboring under the curse of Adam to provide for his wife and children. The woman shows her love by making the house a place of beauty and comfort at home so her man will be refreshed after a hard day of work. The two genders show their love for one another by serving one another. The man has to be patient and loving and gentle with his wife and appreciate all that she does for him.

Act of Love Turned into Fight

Suppose for example, the wife went out and spent $8,000.00 USD on a mattress and the husband finds out how much it cost and goes into a rage saying, “How can we buy groceries this month after you spent it all on a new mattress?!” This can hurt his wife deeply because in fact she bought the mattress out of love for him so that he would have a deep and refreshing sleep after a long day of labor. Instead the man has to stop and be patient and say, “Before you by anything expensive, please talk to me first to see if this is in the budget so I know if we can afford it right now!

Again, interpreting what a woman thinks is something important for men to learn. The man should not blow up in a rage and cuss his wife out for spending money when in fact her motives were all good toward him because she wanted to get the best for him because she loves him with all of her heart.

There is a great danger of wounding a woman’s heart if she is cussed out for doing something which she intended to be a blessing for her man. The man has to dwell together with his wife (with understanding) so that he does not become enraged over something that his wife meant only to love and serve him. He must be patient and slow to anger for this reason.

Being Slow to Anger

Before a man gets enraged, he must first stop and think about why his wife did or said this or that. If he understands she meant to express love toward him then he can deal with her gently and not become angry instead.

Proverbs 16:32 (NASB95)
32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

The bible speaks of being slow to anger as a man has to consider the reasons behind his wife’s actions. He must control himself because she loves him and he can hurt her deeply if he is not careful to control his words and be patient and kind and gentle with is wife as the one who is a weaker vessel.

Proverbs 19:11 (NASB95)
11 A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.

A man has to employ discretion and control himself to be slow to anger. If he is feeling angry, he must stop and first consider his wife and her actions as something done out of love for him. It will be for his own glory if he will overlook a transgression and just be kind and patient and explain why she should not do that again next time.

James 1:19 (NASB95)
19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

The bible teaches that we are to be quick to hear and slow to speak and slow to anger. Often a man will burst out in a rage without first listening to the full story and not stopping to understand his wife and her motives of love toward him.

The Head of the Woman is the Man

Ephesians 5:23 (NASB95)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

The husband is the head of the wife and so her entire life revolves around her own husband. He is her provider and protector and leader and lover and friend. This is why no one could hurt her more than her own husband because her heart is fully open toward him.

1 Peter 3:6 (NASB95)

6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Sarah was and example of a godly woman who honored her husband by calling him her lord. This is scriptural because the man is the head of the woman and so he is her lord in that respect.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB95)

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

There exists a divine “chain-of-command” and Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of every woman and even Christ is submitted to God as his heavenly Father. Jesus often said, “Not my will but your will be done!” Thus, Jesus left us an example of how we are to submit to his lordship just as Christ was submitted to God. In the same way, the wife is to submit to her own husband because God has placed the wife within the divine “chain-of-command” under her own husband. See the link “Head Covering and Submission” for more details.

Men be Understanding of Your Wives

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB95)

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

The NASB version says that husbands are to dwell with their wives in an “understanding way” meaning that they must understand how a woman thinks and respond accordingly. Women are not the same as men are so a man must educate himself how women think and then respond accordingly so that they can have peace in their marriage.

Marriage Adjustment Period

Deuteronomy 24:5 (NIV)

5 If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

The bible actually prescribes a “full-year” vacation for the recently married man to remain at home and bring happiness to his wife. This could be called a “marriage adjustment period” and if both the man and woman were raised by godly parents – then a year might be sufficient. But if the same couple were single for a long time and have both been “set in their own ways” then this adjustment time could take much longer. There must be a dying off to “self-life” or the “selfish sin nature” found within humans before they can be joined together fully as “one-person” in unity as husband and wife. The selfish single guy (after marriage) now has to adapt himself to include is wife in all things at home. The woman has to adapt herself to her husband and it can take a great deal of work for both parties to put away selfish habits and to begin to think of their partner as more important than themselves.

1 Corinthians 7:34 (NASB95)
34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

The most important thing for a unmarried virgin is to keep herself pure until marriage (being holy in body and spirit) so she can give herself to her own husband in marriage as a pure gift to him. Once they are married then her priorities must change and then she is to focus on how to please her husband. At the same time the husbands are to love their wives and the men show their love for their wives and family by laboring to provide for them. Both parties are then laboring to love and serve one another and this makes a beautiful marriage as both parties love and serve each other.

Serving One Another

Galatians 5:13 (NIV)
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.

This applies also to the husband and wife that they are to serve one another humbly out of love for each other. The man labors to provide for his wife and children whom he loves and his wife manages the home as a place of comfort and peace so her man will be refreshed after a hard day of labor. The woman sees all of the details to make life comfortable and the man sees the big picture and long-term goal of providing for his family. Together the man takes care of the headliner things and the woman takes care of the details. Together they are complete and lack nothing as both parties fulfill their own “God-given” roles together as “one-person” in marriage.

The men are to love their wives and the women are to honor their own husbands as the head of their homes. See the link “Husbands Love Your Wives” for more details.

Men and Women Created to Flow Together in Unity

Once when my wife Helen and I were were waiting in the States for the processing of my wife’s US citizenship, we got a job as “team-drivers” with an expedite trucking company. This company would hire married couples to drive truck for them. One of them would drive for 8-hours and while the other was in the sleeper cab. Then they would trade positions and the other would sleep while the other was driving. So they could drive almost non-stop to deliver expedite cargo over long distance hauls. We traveled all over the USA and Canada and even down to the Mexican border delivering expedite freight for about seven months in this truck driving job.

At this time I really realized just how much my wife loved me in that she went through all of the trouble to obtain a commercial driver’s license for driving a truck . She even lived with me in a truck as we traveled all over the States. Few women would pay such a price for their men to sacrifice like she did for me.

It is interesting however that this sort of work was not conducive for two men driving together. When two men lived in close quarters in a truck cab they would typically fight and would soon have to quit this expedite job. Only the married couples could remain in this job because a wife adapts herself to her man and the man loves his wife so they would be compatible even when living in the “close-quarters” confines of a truck cab.

This just goes to illustrate that it is only natural for a husband and wife to be together but two men would soon be at odds with each other and could not operate for long in such a cramped situation.

The reason for this that God created the woman to be a helpmeet to her own husband and together they can flow as one-person. This is not true with two men who come into conflict and are at odds with each other because they are not compatible in the way that a man and a woman is compatible. A woman supplies all that is missing in her man and the man supplies what is missing in the woman. Therefore they can naturally flow together as one-person. This is why it was the married couples that were sought as “team drivers” for the expedite trucking business.

Hopefully, the men will take the time to learn how a woman thinks so that they will be ready for marriage adjustments. If they understand these basic principles then they can have a beautiful marriage relationship together with their wives. A married couple is able to die to self and begin to serve one another. Often this dying to self does not start until they are married. So it is better they marry young as soon as they find the right person. Then they can overcome and be transformed so that they can flow together as “one-complete-person” as husband and wife as God has intended for all married couples.